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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Pollyanna's got nuthin' on me!

Someone on my Facebook had one of those little 'sayings' things posted on their page this morning.  I'm not a huge fan of the *IMPORTANT SAYINGS* ones.  I like the funny ones, or the ones with the warm and fuzzy animals.  But this one caught my attention.  I'm para-phrasing, but there was a picture of an arrow and it said: You have to pull an arrow back to launch it.  When you feel as if you're going backwards, just remember it's preparation to be a launched forward.  Or something like that.  And all I could think was, God, I hope so!!

My entire immediate family is on the cusp of change.  I'm moving Dad into a memory care unit this weekend. I've taken care of him at home for the last several years, but his needs have outdistanced my skills. Yesterday he suffered a seizure, which is apparently pretty common with Alzheimer's patients, but scared the beejezus out of me.  Alzheimer's is a hideous disease, and I've watched him slowly disappear inside a little old man who in no way resembles my dad.  I think he'll do better where he has a chance to make friends and the workers there already dote on him, which is great.  It's still breaking my heart.  I know it makes no sense, but I feel like I've failed him somehow.  My siblings have insisted I haven't, philosophically I KNOW I haven't.  Doesn't matter a damn.  It still hurts. But I can feel the outside edges of my patience fraying, and I hate that I'm not bigger than that, too.  And why yes, I am looking for reasons to feel sorry for myself.  Why do you ask?

I'm moving in with my daughter until she gets married in November, and then I will live alone for the first time in my life.  Ever.  How weird is that when you're my age?  My son is moving out of his apartment where he's lived for the last four years and nearer to his college.  I wish someone would explain to me how it is that two full time students don't qualify for low income housing?  I find this just another excuse my government uses to try to balance the budget on the back of college students, but don't get me started on THAT.  And I'm having spinal fusion surgery in August to hopefully deal with the crippling pain I've been living with for going on ten years. And just typing that makes my palms sweat.

I've had surgery before.  Appendectomy, hysterctomy, two c-sections.  I am not unfamiliar with just how 'healing' hospitals are.  But all of that was before my mother mysteriously developed a MRSA infection when she had her hip replaced.  And before my dad came out of anesthesia after he had HIS hip replaced on the slippery downhill slope of Alzheimer's.  And with previous surgeries, they weren't messing with my spinal cord.  And building an erector set inside my body. And telling me I'd need to wear a back brace for three months.  To be honest, I'm completely wigged out. And I don't do wigged out well.  Blargh.  Enough about that.

For the next three weeks, I'll be packing, packing, packing.  Getting Dad moved, then going through 68 years of accumulated junk.  Have I ever mentioned that my mother was a pack rat?  Well, she was.  There is so much crap in this house, but we are going to have one EPIC yard sale when it's over.  And then Goodwill.  Because my mom didn't buy inexpensive junk.  Just lots of it.

The new anthology, "Secrets of Neverwood" comes out on Monday, and I'm very excited about it.  Pride Promotions is doing an awesome job of publicizing it.  I see our very pretty covers everywhere, which is awesome.  And so far its reviewing well at Goodreads.  I don't pay a whole lot of attention reviews after the week of release, but it's very, very nice to see something you've slaved over being well received.

So, my Dad, my children and I move forward.  Things are very, very busy and challenging right now, but I know it's all going to be better.  Whole sale life changes can be difficult, but I know we're going to come out happier on the other side.

And why, yes.  I do answer to the name 'Pollyanna'!

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